Not only am I being torn from different sides on how to love you, but I also hear others situations and I lose hope. I lose sight of ever being able to being your friend. Of being your brother. Im lost. Youre a part of me. My flesh and blood. How can I love you when I have people in each ear telling me you are wrong, you are broken, you cant be fixed and you will learn your lesson. My heart breaks every time I think not everyone will understand. That they will cast the first stone without hesitation. That they will burn you at the stake. Push you away and call you an outsider. I was an outsider it only made me grow bitter and hate everything. I do not want that for you. I have loved you. You are mine. You are my flesh and blood. I can not betray that. I will love you.

But I still hear them. scratching. screaming in my ears. pulling me away.

It’s just hard sometimes.
I get so distracted.
I forget.
I’m sorry.

“Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.”

Ecclesiastes 7:3

Yo, this is too real.

There’s an idea of wanting what someone else has that I always get stuck on. I want it but at the same time I know I don’t. I only want it cuz I don’t have it. I hate seeing the human nature in me bring those thoughts up. I don’t want to want something just cuz I don’t have it. That’s ugly, but I think it shows a part of my character that I guess I just constantly need to work on.
My insecurity.
I also hate waking up at an hour like this and not be able to fall asleep cuz of my brain.
Alright, goodnight.